the "re-entry" process

I have now been back in the States for a little over two weeks. My time has been filled with time with friends in Raleigh, time with family, job hunting, and relaxing and reflecting. Right now when I think about my time in Africa it almost seems like a dream. Like this wonderful dream with visions of children and laughter and love and learning all floating about and mixing into this grand glimpse of God's story for my life.

I posted previously about wanting to make a better story for my life. Well let me tell you....when I am in the midst of the grieving process from Uganda withdrawals....I lose a little bit of that gumption that I found again in Uganda. I have to remind myself often that my drive and joy for life that I rediscovered in Uganda is not based on my location in the world. It is based solely on my trust and fulfillment in the Lord. There is so much in our culture that distracts us from pursuing the Lord. The Food Network happens to be my personal downfall. (it is on right now as I type...but it is on mute...does that count as having self control...probably not) The Lord created us to have a constant relationship with Him. In Uganda since there was much less to distract it was somehow easier to keep most of my attention on Him. I am having to re-learn how to tune out the constant noise of our society and listen to His still soft voice that is constantly beckoning me to seek and find more and more of Him. Will I listen? or will I listen to my own voice and all the voices on television instead. In my sinful nature I listen to my self more times than I should. I know that His ways are better than my ways.

I have applied to a few jobs since I have been home. Mainly work in medical offices. I have no idea why but I feel myself drawn to working in some sort of medical office. I know that part of it stems from my desire to learn more about effective health care in the hopes of using that to serve the Lord internationally again at some point. I am also going to an information meeting this week at UNC Chapel Hill to look into a graduate program in Social Work and Maternal and Child Health. They offer a dual degree that looks fascinating to me. Right now the thought of going back to school is a little daunting, but I know that if the Lord wants me there He will make it happen.

I am also REALLY looking forward to a girls lake weekend coming up in five days! I am convinced that my group of friends really does have something special. The amount of love and support that is shown by EACH of us towards each other is nothing short of the Lord working through us. These women support me, challenge me, and encourage me through any and every situation. I know that this weekend will be good for my soul.

Those are my thoughts since I have been back. I did almost have a breakdown moment when I returned in the Gap Baby section. The knowledge that I could not bring a child with me about broke me. But the Lord has put that in my heart and now I must wait for His timing. Patience...seems to be the theme of my life. And the word encourages me with this

Psalm 27: 13-14
¹³ I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.