Saturday, February 5, 2011

just me.

Have you ever had that feeling---"Lord, what exactly are you up to?"

I am a single, 24 year old woman, and I spend a majority of my spare time working with an orphan care organization. I am the only single person at most of these meetings. I know that I am called to serve orphans and widows in their distress, and I am trying my hardest to do that.
But to be completely honest.....somedays it is really hard. Because you see---for right now, I cannot bring an orphan home. I can visit them and love them and tell those precious babies that they have a good Father who loves them and a family that is coming for them. But I can't be that family for them. I don't have that "someone" yet. That someone to debrief all of this weighty stuff with, or to call when I have had a hard day, or just someone to hold me. I know that His timing is perfect, I really do....but this is just me, letting my guard down. Most days though, I am totally content in my singleness. I love spending time with all of my married friends and having the privilege of seeing their husbands loving them well. It encourages me and gives me hope. It is just in those hard days that I must again surrender to the Lord. Surrender to His timing, His perfect plan, and the truth that His love is enough. In those moments I can hear Him whisper..keep going beloved, keep trusting, keep serving, My love for you will never fade. His love is enough.

Somedays when I am at work scanning papers all day I wonder, "what in the world am I doing?" Why don't I just go back? I know that I could live among them and show them what love is and watch them grow perfectly in love. For some reason though now does not seem like the right time. I know a lot of that has to do with the movement happening in reclaim | orphans. There is so much to be done and I feel so privileged to be a part of this amazing organization. I am still in shock that the Lord is allowing me to live out my dreams at 24.

I went to a local conference today to learn more about an orphan care program in Uganda. I was the only single person in the room. I wish more single people would feel that is ok to go to these conferences. I am slowly learning that even though I cannot bring a child home yet...there is still so much I can do. I have the greatest resource of all. Time. Right now my time is my own. I can do with it what I please, and I have no one else needing my time. To other singles out there--male or female---I encourage you and entreat you--serve the orphans and widows in their distress. Whether that means going or getting involved with a local organization, just do not feel like just because you are single you can't do anything.

I still wonder what the Lord is up to. Why He has placed it on my heart now to serve orphans. I cannot wait to see how this all unfolds. Where He will have me in 5 years...or even 10 years. I am so thankful that the Lord has a better story for me. Better than anything I could have ever hoped for or imagined. I pray that you all would let Him write a better story for you.