It is pouring outside. I feel like God is washing us clean for the new year. It sounds like my own personal symphony on the clay roof. All of the other sounds in Kampala are drowned out by the rain. I love it.With it being the new year I keep hearing the Lord saying. Let it go. Let the past go. If you do there will be more room for me. Let it go and I will rush in and fill up all of those places that are still taken up by unnecessary thoughts. So I am going to let him. It is a new year after all.
I feel such an immense peace and joy right now. I am learning to enjoy my singleness (never thought I would say that!). I am however, glad that 2009 is over. It was simultaneously the best and worst year of my life. It contained more tears, more pain, more heartbreak, more confusion, more courage, more joy, more laughter, and more hope than I ever thought possible. Now, I do not have the SLIGHTEST clue what the Lord has planned for 2010....but I am not too worried about it. If He can bring me through hell and back I think I am going to be just fine. I am going to leave the next 364 days alone and trust that they are in his hands.
Can I be honest with you? For the past 23 years of my life I have always had a fear of the unknown, change, the future. I am not sure when it happened, but somewhere along this journey towards the light the chains of fear dropped. Slowly, as past fears and hurts began to drop away like dandelions in the breeze. I allowed the Lord in. I let Him heal me. As I am writing this I can hear my dear friends and family exhale "Finally!" My eyes well up with tears at the amount of patience, love, and support you have all shown me over the past year and a half. Thank you.
While I am sad I only have 2 weeks left in this wonderfull, confusing, frustrating country....I know that it is time for this chapter to come to an end. This trip has read like a good book. It took awhile to get into the story, but once I did I loved it, and now I have that sad hesitant feeling I get when I see only a few pages left to turn. I don't want to keep reading it so it won't end...but I am desperate to find out what happens!
It won't be long now until I am curled up on the couch at home with Gracie. A fire will be going and we will be watching movies or telling stories. I have a feeling that it may be a difficult transition back to the states. I am a whole new person and I have to carve out a new place for myself. Friends and family....I hope you like the new me.
But I noticed the other day that the light in my eyes has returned....so I am sure you will.
Praise the Lord for a new year and a new me! Meredith version 2010 will be seeing you all in 14 days!!!